Monday, February 2, 2009

Sex and Love

Is sex without love easy or difficult for you? Why?

Please identify yourself by gender, age and college/university


  1. I am a lady at UCSB and i believe sex with out love would be difficult for me personally. It could be because of my background. I was raised with no father and wondered how my mother could have children and care for them on her own. I am in a relationship right now and love my boyfriend. I couldnt imagine not loving him and having sex with him. It is intimate and not loving him would take the best of the experience away.

  2. I am an 18 year old woman attending UCSB.

    For me, sex is synonymous with the word love. My sex life arose from love, as an extension of it, and though I have not experienced this myself, I believe having sex without being in love with your partner would be completely empty and well...good exercise and that's about it. Sex, though of course very enjoyable in the physical aspect, is an entirely emotional experience for me. I always feel extremely close to my boyfriend after having sex, sort of like since I have just shared with him my most private thing, my body, it creates a special and intimate bond between us. If I wasn't so in love with him, we wouldn't be having sex because for us it has become part of our emotional bond, a way of expressing our love and desire for each other.

    After seeing close friends of mine get hurt after having love-less sex, I can easily see that it would be very difficult to have sex with someone if I didn't love them. Because it is such a vulnerable and private act, I think it requires a respect and bond that only love can provide. On the other hand, I could see how people might be able to detach themselves from the emotional aspect and make it easy for it to be simply a physical activity, but the truth of the matter is that as humans, most everything seems to come with emotional attachment, and I don't think anyone could truly exclude themselves from that especially for something as intimate as sex.

  3. Male 19, ucsb... I would have to say love without is possible. Sex without love seems fairly difficult. If I did have sex and afterwards forgot about the significant other, I would feel as if I used them for pleasure only, and nothing more. That seems very unethical

  4. I've never had sex, but I would say in general, intimacy (not just kissing) without love is very difficult for me. Not impossible...but not enjoyable. It's hard to feel any motivation when you don't genuinely love the person, and the absence of love it just feels like a chore.
    -Female, 19, UCSB.

  5. what is sex without love? simply foolish play? why is it that everyone regrets it afterward? Maybe we all fear love, or at least fear of falling in it and failing to commit. male 19, ucsb

  6. Can old people post comments on here? If so, here it my two cent's worth: sex without love does not work for me. It is just too intense and too lovely to waste on a feeling-free relationship. Along these lines, here is a wonderful poem by Sharon Olds: Of course, her take on the matter is more complicated than my own feelings, but it gets close...
    Female, 48, well-beyond school

  7. male 19 ucsb

    Ive never had sex with anyone Ive been in love with so I can't speak from that standpoint but I can agree that sex without it can be both fun and also unfulfilling. I think it has to do with whether or not the intentions of the act are understood or not and the relationship with the person. In a random party hook up situation its kinda understood that that is all it is and there is no emotional attachment.
    my beleif on sex in love (which ive never had) is that what makes it special is its something that you are giving exclusively to the one you love, so I feel like this concept is lost with the first random hook up and that the more people you love in your life and have sex with the less significant it gets. That may just be life though, as the number of people surrounding me having sex increases, its significance seems to decrease.

  8. I think that love is a important component to sex, and i have found that it is more meaningful when there are "feelings" between me and my partner. i unfortunately began something with someone by hooking up with them first but now its like where do we go from here... we have in a sense become close but there's a fear of commitment, specially from him. we continued to hook up several times after the first time, and it has only made things more complicated, and it all goes back to what you said that now we start relationships with sex and then hope for a relationship. i don't think this the right way to do this, specially if you have the tendency to become attached to someone. In my case i think that the fact that we lost our virginity to each other, made it that much more difficult for me to detach and the constant hooking up didn't help the situation either. I have come to a realization that we do have feelings for each other, but it is uncertain if something can come out of this ,just because of the way we started this "relationship".

    Female 19, UCSB

  9. female ucsb age 18
    very difficult. ive done it but sex was way better with the one guy i was in love with. i felt more comfortable with the guy i was in love with..therefore, i came out of my shell in the moment (if u get me).. sex without emotional attachment makes me feel like im just a piece of ass..plain and simple.

  10. 19, female, UCSB

    sex without love? where's the intimacy? how do you feel comfortable without love and be able to have sex. I've had sex with and EX-bf before but i was not in love, so it was special, it was just sex. but now with my bf, sex is great. its more then sex, its feelings, its intimacy its kind of romantic.

  11. Female, 20, UCSB

    I would definately not have sex with someone that I am not in love with. I believe that sex is something so pure and valuable that shouldn't be shared with just anyone. I love my boyfriend and can't imagine having sex with him if I didn't love him. I was brought up in a household that taught me that love is essential in having a good sex life. Sex is just something so personal and intimate that I would not share with just anyone.