Wednesday, February 18, 2009

For the Virgins

For the virgins amongst you, how do you experience the pressures to have sex at college?

Identify yourself by gender, age and school.


  1. 18 year old female @ ucsb

    I don't experience pressure from my peers in that they ask my to have sex with them or pressure me to feel like i should be having some kind of sex, whether it be oral or actual intercourse. It's a personal choice to remain a virgin, not a religious one for me (I'm atheist). However it does feel alienating when among your friends you are the only one who has not 'gotten some.'

  2. i dont really think there's any pressure, atleast not for me, that comes from my peers or the environment. Eventhough colleges in general become a place for hook-ups, which is fine with me, it is definitely a personal choice that so far everyone has been respectful of.

  3. 19 year old male - UCSB

    Honestly i don't feel any real pressure to have sex. I think if i would have felt that pressure i might have already had sex, but not really the way i wanted to (like getting really drunk and not remembering having sex). However, i don't bring up the fact that I am a virgin when i am having a conversation about sex with some friends or other people, but if someone were to ask me directly, which has happened a couple of times, then i would definitely feel comfortable telling them the truth. I am not embarrassed to be a virgin and i think this is the key to not feeling any pressures.

  4. 19 female ucsb

    In general I do not feel pressure to have sex from my peers. My choice is a semi religious one. I know that most Christians say that sex is to be saved for marriage, but I cannot find any place where Christ said that, so I haven't made up my mind on the subject. However, I do feel pressure from my family to find a boyfriend. I'm here to get my BA, they want me to get my MRS. It's antiquated and makes me very mad. However, while I'm not pressured by my peers to have sex, I've always felt that by not being willing to hook up, guys completely brushed me aside as a female in general, like I've become a genderless friend. I'm not pressured, but I'm not understood, either.

  5. 18 female UCSB

    I do not feel any pressure to have sex at college. I choose to stay a virgin because I believe that sexual intercourse is sacred and I am waiting for that special person. Im not necessarily saying that I want to wait until marriage, I am simply waiting for the right time and the right one. Some of my friends are sexually active or are no longer virgins. Sometimes listening to them makes me wonder if I should engage in sexual intercourse, but ultimately I am still waiting.

  6. 19 female UCSB

    I don't feel pressure to have sex, but I do feel like it is extremely hard to find a guy at UCSB who wants to be in a relationship, let alone with a virgin. I get attention from guys and when they find out I'm a virgin the typical response is "wow you're like a unicorn" or "you're like a dinosaur" meaning they think virgins are rare things to come by almost like I'm a different species! I think the perception is that virgins are hard to find and that may cause some guys to go for girls who are virgins just to be the first one to say they "popped their cherry". I'm a virgin because I am waiting for the right guy, which to me means that he won't just use me to have sex and then leave. I feel like since I've waited this long, that I won't just give up my virginity to any guy that shows me special attention. I believe that once I get to know a guy and he cherishes our relationship (most importantly we love each other), that I will be comfortable enough to loose my virginity.

    All in all, I feel like there is no pressure from people if you define pressure as someone literally telling you to have sex. However, I sometimes feel alienated because I haven't had the same experiences as my peers. My friends here always tease me because I dress provocatively and they say that I don't "look" like a virgin. I think just because a girl is a virgin doesn't mean she has to dress or act like a nun.